Instinct

Just now I saw a pair of lovers are cycling together

They smiled together

It was so sweet

When will be my turn for that?

My instinct tells me, not yet for now

Today

I smile into clinic

But

I stress out from clinic

Because

I am going to have another biopsy

Tomorrow

I always have faith and confidence in what Dr.Lim said

Back to last year

After doing a small test before any biopsy

He has feeling, that it is malignant

And

I am also having the strong feel that

It is, as I can't see so clearly anything to back to study

Back to today, just now

He has feeling, that it is less likely

And

He asks me whether to do a biopsy or not

I do not know why

I just agree to

My instinct asks me to do it

But at the same time

My instinct tells me

Everything will just be fine

As now, I have plans and can see clearly what is going to happen to me in next semester immediately

But

It is impossible to feel worry

This time

I am not worry the recurrent

I am sad over other thing

One, I just can't lose for another time

Two, I can't let my sister to lose for another 30K

Three, I do not want to repeat the same treatment

Four, I do not have any time for the same thing

Five, I do not want to extend another semester

Six, well, I can't lose anymore, again

But I know

A single bad cell will just sufficient to let me collapse again

Better than any weapons used in war

But

The stress felling isn't the same as last year

When I am diagnosed with NPC

The feel lost by itself

My instinct is just telling me three words

"Everything is fine"

Ya, I think everything will just fine

Ya, I will win