祝福

致：亲爱的朋友

十分不好意思

昨晚因为用别人的线

没想到他关了

就这样断了我们的话题

对于你的问题

对我来说有点唐突

还好某人向我解释解释

我才：“哦”

其实

在她部客誊清之前

我早就已经发现了那一个感觉

只是那时并不太方便

加上她也没表态清楚

所以直到她正式说出来

我们才开始慢步

勇往直前

你问我的惊讶

没有

因为即使是最好的朋友

也不会每天都会给你鼓励

也不会每天都会找你聊天

也不会每天都会问你状况

你问我的害怕

没有

为什么要害怕呢

除非自己没有感觉那就不能相提并论了

了解了你的具体状况

一直以来

我和他都是把学业放在第一

一直以来都没有改变过

但自从健康问题出现后

学业跌到了第二

同时这并不代表不重视感情问题

唯一的办法

就希望他能够想通

我真的很感慨有一段小假期

让我认真考虑与决定

一直以来

看看自己成绩表现

看看自己生活表现

今年我真的很满意

也体会到

学业固然重要

健康固然重要

娱乐固然重要

情感固然重要

既然自己能够掌握好学业

相信不会被感情影响到多少

最重要分得清楚

“在什么时候，什么东西最重要”

这个是我的原则

也是我一直希望她能够做到的一点

听说你要采取行动

女生主动不是一个坏事

家庭压力其实很容易解决

如果家人给予压力力争上游

喘不过气最多和家人谈一谈

或者出外放纵自己

这个是我减压的方法

当然他与他的家人一定也要商量

我身边有好几位朋友都有这样的状况

父母给孩子压力

司空见惯了

只要大家互相商量与体谅

任何事情都不是绊脚石

自从去年自己发生一些事

我与家人也共识了这一点

也是亲情发展最宝贵的东西

要知道

难得可以一家人坐下来

细心讨论

是多么难得的事情

身边的朋友能够给你劝告

实质行动还是得看你看他

只要双方都清楚自己的感觉

你的主动当然很重要

他自己的想法

需要靠他自己慢慢相通

给他一点时间和空间吧

最后

祝你们开花结果，嗯！

Thank You

The article is written 10 days ago...

My birthday is just around the corner. I have made several wishes this year, but nothing special. Chinese people always say that it is no good to “say” out those wishes, but there is no restriction in cannot “writing” it out. One of my wish is to say “Thank You” to some of the people that do appear in my 22 years of life. I might not able to do this on 21st birthday, but I am gratitude for given the chance to do so on my 22nd birthday. It may be a long list, and I may miss out some of them, but I really thank you all deep from my heart.


Parents
Parents are the people who raise us up. No matter parents are good or bad, still they are the first person I would like to say thank you. My dad is a great daddy. Thanks for picking me up from home to school, from school to home, or travelling around with his cars for ¼ of my life, and for free. It is a great time to always watch movie with my dad. He never talks while watching movie. He enjoys the whole movie and we share together what we watch. My mum, even though loves to mumble at all time yet she is caring to me. I would say her cooking is the best, but sorry to say don’t keep repeating the same dishes all the time. It will ruin everything. I am glad to be able to have you in my life for enjoying home dishes.


I come across a sentence from Facebook,


When I was a kid, I didn't have a laptop, iPod, Blackberry, PS3, Wifi or iPads. I played outside with friends, bruised my knees, made up stories and played hide and seek. I ate what my mom made. I would think twice before I say "no" to my parents! Life wasn't hard, it was good & I survived. Kids these days are spoiled. Re-post this if you appreciate the way you were raised. I think we were happier kids. :]


Those times are great memory. Indeed I am one of the happier kids in the past. Thanks God for letting me to be born at the right time and to have wonderful parents.


Sisters
I would say if there is no sister, no me. We are having a great gap in our age, but we have many topics common to chat with, except the working one. I still remember when I am sick last year; it is big sis to drive me daily to hospital for radiation therapy. She sacrifices her working time, driving in and out, and never change no matter it is a sunny or rainy day. Worst still, she can apply for no pay leave to ensure I am having the best treatment. Thanks also for making me some sour sop’s ice blend and it is very nice. Thanks also for sponsoring Digi Broadband for me but sorry to say you still need to pay for me every month as promise. Next, my sis Anne that gives a lot to me, more than 15 years I would say. I never have a computer until I am 15 years old. I have three until today. The first one is already donated; the second Toshiba laptops as well as the third Dell laptop I am using now; are fully sponsored by her. Even the full IMRT treatment, is mostly sponsored by her. If there is no her, I don’t think I am in recovery mode now. I would say I owe you a lot.


Best Buddies
In my life, there are three friends that I eventually find out, can share happy and sad moments at all times - Raymond Pee, Kwan Jou and Thomas. I start to know Raymond and Thomas in Form1 while Kwan Jou in Form 4. In fact, three of you including your family members, are not as simple as friends anymore to me, but to appear as part of my family members as well. We usually hang out together, we usually chat together and we usually pay a visit to each other. When I am sad, I am appreciating for having three of you to concern me, and to support me. Even until today, I think I am also one of the VIP in your family. Raymond always be our driver, Kwan Jou always introduce some nice vegetarian food while Thomas often shares his life principal. Besides, siblings of you such as Chen Min, Nini and also Jasper are fine to talk with. Three of them make our lives more interesting and colorful. Having three of you as my friends is one of the greatest gifts from God.


Doctors and Nurses
I show my gratitude to Dr.Lim for always FOC me when I go for a follow up. I still remember the first day I am diagnosed with NPC, he asks me not to worry. I still remember also, the last follow up a week ago, that he asks me not to worry. Perhaps, this is the way to console patients? He always makes a right conclusion and that’s why I always trust him. I would also like to show my gratitude to Dr.Ho for a great planning of radiation treatment to kill those carcinomas. The same with Dr. Lim, he uses to smile always, so he is considered as one of the cute doctor I meet in my life. The radiation team in laboratory is also notable people in my life. They always talk nicely and friendly to me. Finally the nurse in the chemotherapy department, Joyce if I am not mistaken, always smiles and telling jokes. It is not easy for her to smile while facing so many cancer patients daily.


Jafon
Even though you are not the first friend I meet, but you are the longest friend that still keep in touch with me. Do you know, we have known each others for 16 years since Standard One. We are in the same class in primary school, we are in the same school in secondary school, and we are in same university, as well as same college and also same faculty. What a coincidence I would say. Even your house is only 100m away from my house. In these 16 years, you help me a lot. From taking movies, driving me for gathering until solving college issue when I am sick, I still remember all of them. You are one of my best friends that I would like to say thank you.


Bi Shan 
You are different from the other friends. Jian Xiang and I love to say you noob, but do you know that sometimes it is happy to be a noob as less stress to be worried. When I am sick last year, you can sacrifice your precious time to me by writing more than thousand words a day to console me. That is one of the amazing things that only you have done it. I still remember the cross stitch that you gift me as the birthday gift. It is full of concentration and caring. Until today, you are still my number one friend list to find to chat with when I am online, because you are available at most of the time. Thanks. The most positive thing in your life is, you always think others before yourself. That makes you special among all of my friends.


Juztin Yinn Sheng
You are too friendly until some people that not really know you are shock when you immediately find them to chat by knowing them not exceeding 1 or 2 days. You are one of my friends that are straight forward, no matter in talking or thinking. It is good to be you for having fewer decisions to be concerned of. Straight forward does not mean stupid, that you always say that yourself and I am totally disagree of. You love to plan a lot of things in future, even like eating MCD, to be discussed 4 months earlier. Meanwhile, we always like to quarrel in a humor way that not everyone can use to; but we are always best friend. Thank you for always driving us to supper, to Sunway and also to cut hair.


Lun
You are another friend that I know in Kajang. If that time I am not going for a hair cutting, possibly I do not know you, as well as my ex-room mate and Yinn Sheng. It is rare to find a stylist that seeks every customer to be friend. I am glad to have you as the stylist as you always manage to satisfy what I need, and always count us for the cheapest price. Even though it is hard to arrive you shop, but you always fetch me to the bus station after a haircut. Today, you manage to be the boss of friends’ barber shop. Besides thanking you, I wish you to be more successful in the future.


Teachers
There are many notable teachers I would like to thank them. One in standard three, three in secondary school, four in Form Six and one in university.


(a) Standard Three: I would like to thank Cikgu Asmah for extra caring for me. I still remember I am use to be her “golden son”. I have an appendix operation on March 12, 1998 and I am always allowed to leave earlier after the school ends. She is one of the Malay teachers that I use to chat with in the office.


(b) In secondary schools: Being the husband of Cikgu Asmah, Cikgu Wahab is one of the notable teachers in my life. He never has a systematic teaching way, but he teaches the best. He is the one that makes me fall in love in Malay subjects, and to have a great essay-writing technique. No matter how much questions we have, he will stay back and settle one by one until it is finish. Next is Pn.Pung that always lends me a lot of English material. She is one of the great teacher that helps my English improves a lot. If she chooses not to give tuition for me, I think my English is still such a failure. Finally should be Pn.Wee, my chemistry tuition teacher. I would dare to say her teaching materials are far way better than Pn.Tan in my school. She really cares her students’ performance and she manages to make sure all of the students in her class get an A for Chemistry. Indeed, she manages to.


(c) Form Six: First I would like to thank Mr.Koay. He is the one that let me feel Biology is an interesting subject rather than hard. I still remember, during the first day in his tuition class, I get 9/50 for the quiz. I still also remember, during the last day in his tuition class, I get 40/50 for the same quiz. He motivates me a lot, and I improve a lot in this subject. Pn.Teoh as my form teacher even though her teaching is not considered as professional, but she really cares and friendly to the students. All of the students are considered her sons and daughters. Pn.Chua being as one of the dedicated teacher is also caring as well. She is good in teaching Chemistry. I still remember she keeps me updating whether my friend can join her tuition class or not. Finally should be Mr.Lau that is also the same as Pn.Teoh. That year, he is first time teaching Form Six. I would say he is a nice teacher, not only helping students, making nice tealeaf eggs for students as well as burning the midnight oil to compile a complete notes and exercises for us. A great thank you I would say for 4 of the teachers here, and this makes a lot of great memories for my Form Six study.


(d) University: The only lecturer that I still respect should be Mr.Shamsul. He is a strict lecturer that makes all the differences. He is strict, but he is kind and friendly to the students at the same time. I still remember his encouragement to me. He praises my presentation, he praises my fairness in giving marks, and he also gives me the chance to handle a big party. All the chances he offers me are gold. I gain a lot of experiences in Public Relation. When I am praised for the success of the party, I thank him for trusting me in handling party as well as giving me a chance to try it.


Course mates and other friends
I would say the relationship among Biochemistry course mates as the best comparing to juniors or seniors. We always hang out and also have gathering together, besides helping each other in sharing notes for academic purposes. I thank Yi Hong for always planning a good gathering and cook nice food for us. I thank Fong Sim for always helping me to sign the attendance when I “ponteng”. I thank Sandra for always sharing some great jokes in her college to us. I thank Sok Kuan for always lending her senior notes. I thank Marie for always driving us for dinner. I thank Su Yi for always sending notes via mail. I thank Kae Yi for riding me back to college through his extra fast and furious motor. I thank Jia Ye for the great planning of Sabah trip. I thank Wan Yee for being the great arrangement in Sabah’s financial stuffs. I thank Grace for helping me for a success oral critique. I thank Michelle for always keeping us update information in academic stuffs. I thank Ivan for creating a great show during the faculty night. I thank Jairusizer for always sharing cold jokes. I thank Hui Woon, Jia Shen, Choon Shiang, Anderson and Ah Liew, for also being nice and friendly always.


For Biko’s Geng, it is my luck for knowing Nicky and Merlinda. Well I do not thank MV for this purpose as it is illogical for me to thank an artiste here. It is nice to have you guys as my friends that we are able to crazy at some times or to spam Facebook. Besides, I would like to thank Cyndee and Sim Chyi for always concerning my current condition, as well as finding me to chat online, even though we do not meet with each others before.


There are still a lot of friends and relatives that I would like to thank, but I do not think I can finish it by writing here. All of you are meaningful in my life and I am glad to have you in my life. In my 22nd birthday, I wish all of you and me to keep staying in “double Hs” – Happy and Healthy!

Letting Go

To let go isn't to forget, not to think about, or ignore. It doesn't leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret. Letting go isn't about winning or losing. It's not about pride and it's not about how you appear, and it's not obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isn't blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and doesn't leave emptiness, hurt, or sadness. It's not about giving in or giving up. Letting go isn't about loss and it's not about defeat. To let go is to cherish the memories, but to overcome and move on. It is having an open mind confidence in the future. Letting go is learning and experiencing and growing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and made you grow. It's about all that you have, all that you had, and all that you will have soon gain. Letting go is having the courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving. Letting go is growing up. It is realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy. To let go is to open a door, and to clear a path and set yourself free."

A simple paragraphs from me to you. I believe that for time being, you will able to make it.

You think you can, you can!

Stubborn [Part II]

I think that the newly-released TVB Drama

The Other Truth

Would be a good example

That a stubborn parents should watch

Parents always keep saying they put family link as priority

But they always forget their stubborn's attitude

A word "S-T-U-B-B-O-R-N" may have a bad consequence

It may not only give your child in pressure

It may end up, the child to do something out of control

Episode 15 shows the girl, Ivy attempt to kill other people's mother

It all begins with Keith's dad for having two wives

Ivy's mum, Aunt May who is very evil in heart

That makes so many thing just to get Keith's dad when Keith's mum is sick

(The husband loves Aunt May due to the stubborn of Keith's mum)

But at the end Keith's mum recovers

Finding out that the husband got another woman

She hates Aunt May so much and always scolds her

While Aunt May pretends to be scare of her

Keith's mum is very stubborn

She never listen any of her son's advises

Aunt May pretends to be friendly to Keith

To break the relationship between Keith and his mum

At the same time

She pretends so well that she wants to keep a good impression on Ivy

Keith signs to pass his dad property to her

This drives his mum anger

(The house should actually be given to Aunt May no matter how bad she is, since Keith's dad is dead and Aunt May lives there for a long time. Aunt May has the right to get own the house according to HK's law)

His mum feels that Keith is cheated

Being stubborn

She goes to find Aunt May

Both of them struggles at the top of buildings

Until Aunt May finally shows her evilness

She wants to drag Keith's mum off

But ends up accidentally

Herself falls and loses a leg

Keith is stressful and he has to find another lawyer to help his mum

Even though he himself is one of the best

She still makes a trick

Stating that Keith's mum is the one pushes her

But finally

She changes her mind and commits suicide

As she wants to keep all her evil act as secret

She also being stubborn

By not telling anything to her daughter Ivy

Just wanting Ivy to have an impression that

Her mum is the best

However

Keith's mum does not give up after Aunt May tells the truth

She keeps on nagging

By wanting to claim Aunt May as the killer

Keith is under a heavy stress as his mum does not let go

And being gratitude to God

After being blamed as killer

Both Ivy and Keith are the victims of their parents' stubborn

Keith loses concentration in his work

Keith does not have the dare to face Ivy (His sister) and colleague Danny (Ivy's boyfriend)

Keith is stressful as his mum stubborn, making her blamed as killer, and he can't help anything

Ivy feels heartbreaking for why her mum (Aunt May) changes the statement in court

Ivy keeps asking her the truth yet she is stubborn and does not tell the truth

Ivy changes after her mum chooses to end her life, and try to scare Keith's mum who is also stubborn by not solving the problem, but to create another problem

Stubborn

Causes Ivy changes
(She might be has made some mistakes but what is the root cause?)

Whenever parents say that children are rude

Why not they calm down

Think again

Who is the one that is wrong?

It may be children's being not understanding

But it may be also your stubborn

As like in the drama

Take it as example

and

a great lesson

Stubborn

The time when I am sick
I am very sad
But today
I feel even more sad

It is common for young people to talk, sometimes a bit rude to parents
I use to be one of them before
I also remember that
My two sisters always advise me not to do so, be patient
Yes, I remember all of your words


My dad has a slight hearing problem
My mum keeps shouting at him to put his spectacles on the table rather than on sofa
I feel like this act is a bit rude
My sister has told her not to do so
Imagine when you can't hear and people are shouting like mad to you
You feel like being discriminated
Patiently
I tell my mum that
Just slowly tell him
He is your husband
Why can't you just talk a bit slower
Or use hand signal?

My effort is blamed immediately
My mum starts to scold me irrationally
Yes
We put on a fight
Then I go out with my dad

On the car
My dad talks a lot of my mum's stubborn
But I feel like to cry
Not because I am putting a fight with her
Not because I am moved by how patience my dad is
But
I try to talk slowly to her
To advise her
She does not even think for a second
And blame me for nothing

When I got down from car
I cannot control myself
I am just heartbreaking
Why
She is still so stubborn?
Why she always feel like she is correct
And we, that talk nicely to her
Is wrong?
It recalls me on how she says big sis regarding an issue last Tuesday
That I feel unfair for her to treat big sis like that


I am by my dad side when he says
"Has she ever think that how much my two sisters have sacrificed for her"
I cry
I just go to the kitchen
Wash everything that she does not wash after the meal
To calm myself down


In young time
We use to be get scolded for doing wrong and being rude
In adult time
We use to be get blamed for a person's stubborn

Stubborn
Will only ruin your life
And everything around you
Please think again

抉择

选择、抉择

类似的字眼

在每一个人的身上总是不停的发生

甚至，几乎每一件事情都能与这二字扯上关系

就今天

我就有两个抉择

一、该不该拿Thesis？

二、该不该更换电脑的电池

虽然“抉择”只是人生中的小插曲

不过它，就像身体的坏细胞一样

只是它与后者不一样

如果你操控得对，就有好的结果

如果你操控得差，就会有像被坏细胞打败的结果

去年底的一个抉择

和现在624的抉择

我总觉得我没有做错

请容许我再次解释清楚和誊清

去年底决定断绝关系

主要的原因就是“性格”两字

直到刚才今天我所看到的一切

我觉得那个理由是没有错的

也不至于令我后悔

我不能接受身边的那一个

时时刻刻有着Negative的心情和想法

因为这已大大与我的人生原则格格不入

人总是有不开心的时候

不开心的时候可以霸道几下

但这东西

不是时时刻刻都可以用

不是时时刻刻人生是充满悲剧的

前天向你拿部客的网址

其实只是抱着朋友的一方面

看看近况如何

哪里可以帮忙

或许给予一些祝福之类的话语

可惜

你却误会

可惜你选择

删除我这个朋友

我不会因此而再次内疚与惋惜

或者像去年般慰问CSL一样

因为

这只是对我的一个大讽刺

关心别人反被当小人

这类似的东西

抱歉

我不会再重复

我受够了

另外

现在的她

请你不要内疚了

你没有错

也不要再说对不起

你说过

我们不可以再一直说对不起三个字

至于Miss F，

你今天选择删除我

我今天接受你的选择
也同时将已留白的感情全部归还于你
请记得

任何决定

都会带来不同的结果

希望你是经过深思熟虑的

我只希望

你

往日的生活

无论在哪一个方面都放开点

给自己一点空间

人生才会有乐趣

黑色和红色

六月二十四

真是我人生的转折点

10年的那一天

是我看医生的日子

因为前两天

我流鼻血

我在面子书写“流鼻血”时

竟然还有几位顽皮的家伙

以为我看什么东西这么兴奋

10年的那一天

是黑色的开始

一共长达69天

从看医生、等待模型、电疗、化疗

那69天真的很不好过

更糟糕的是

我生日的那一天

刚好就在这69天里

11年的那一天

是我询问她愿不愿意的日子

是红色的开始

其实

我真的从来没有计划、也没想象会在这一天

有这样的举动

当我们在面子书宣布时

竟然还是有几位顽皮的家伙

不过，不是一年前的那班

是全新的一班

都是我和她的朋友

11年的那一天

虽然不是我亲口说出口

但是

要我说出口

我还得一大段日子的准备

所以，还是写比说容易

改次再补回啊

从相识、摩擦、误会、承诺到结果

一切都来得不容易

只是

我真的很奇怪为何老天所安排的东西那么可爱

一定是同一天

一定是恰巧的那一种

或许

老天作弄凡人总是一种考验

让凡人慢慢成长

成为超人吧

黑色红色

一悲一喜

都是人生必经的交叉点

我不再埋怨过去的624

我只再希望将来的624

都是好日子

留白

留白

作曲：Robert Lay

填词：王仲杰

编曲：韦景云

监制：韦景云

主唱：许廷鏗

每个角落去搜觅　找你跟我的画面

预备用尽感官装满你的脸

盼每步片段亦留住　我却找不到

共你过去留低一点

与你快乐逛的街　多少相见和道别

幕幕尽在脑内像呈现面前

但有什么不必放低　永远不改变

为我记载回忆当天

毫无痕迹　充撑过渡期

如怀念不到　你的气味

谁又为自己赌运气

但我凭什么不服气　来生气

毫无原因　去解释别离

完全没资格　创造转机

就算不深刻可忘记

余下沉默的空白也　留给你

过去纪念了多少　经过一切如换掉

若没浪漫记错热情才动摇

这算什么不足挂齿　你已不需要

若爱变淡　难以治疗

毫无痕迹　充撑过渡期

如怀念不到　你的气味

谁又为自己赌运气

但我凭什么不服气　来生气

毫无原因　去解释别离

完全没资格　创造转机

就算不深刻可忘记

仍然留白的感情也　还给你

最近真的对这首歌曲很抓狂。曲风有点与李克勤前几年《万年孤寂》雷同。不过，这首歌曲的歌词虽然具有深刻的意义，但却是一个不开心的经历。这样的内容有同于我最爱张敬轩的《怎么可》。虽然说后者再写着宠物，但我觉得另一种意义可以被理解为，一个像关在笼子里的宠物的爱情故事，最终还是分手离场。这里，留白其实是留下空白，把一切的空白无拖欠的归还对方，因为双方已经没感觉了。还好，我知道，我和她应该能够创造这首歌无法得到的“转机”，因为624那天，早已成功转了。