Stressful

I wish that I am calmed enough before continuing my blog article.


Including the one on December 3, I make my travel to Kuala Lumpur for 4 times. Maybe it sounds too frequent for a short period of time, but not if it is done in 4 months time. My mum claims that it is a waste of money, but I think she is clever enough to think it rationally that I will not travel again to KL if I meet my friends from UKM (since I will be back UKM 2 weeks after my 4th travel). My purpose of going again for the fourth time is to meet my friends outside UKM, staying at Raymond’s apartment again, yet also to see the university progression on my hostel and courses issues. (If any un-necessity occurs) I tell my mum that I told my plan to both of the sisters already and still, I know she would not believe me. Indeed, she really calls big sis and asks about it. Thing becomes worsen when my sis says I do not inform her at all. I remember clearly I do inform her when she wants to make appointment with my ent scope, Doctor Lim, claiming that I will be away to KL early December. It is a bad feel when what you have done but others say no and what you have not done at all, others say yes. Perhaps this is the feeling that makes me talk in an improper manner with my big sis. I apologise for not concerning that she might be forgotten as she is busy with work. Everything will not happen if mum does believe what I say. I just do not understand why every time, she likes to make thing worsen, but not thinking of a way to solve it, as 2nd sis said before. And indeed, there will be no “emo” post in my blog if she talks clearly with me. Matter solved after a big quarrel, which also makes my dad frustrating. I feel stressful for why my mum cannot solve a small problem in a discussion but in a quarrel.


When talks about stress, this is the additional reason for why I always like to travel. Friends are having their holiday and they just want to go home, but I am counting when I will be back for study, silly right? For me, I like to travel alone, by this time your mind relaxes and you will not be disturbed by anything. At home, my mum likes to talk this and that. If it is something enjoyable and funny, we will sure accept it. However, thing never goes with the way you think. What she talks are those something “too much”, for instance, she will ask is the water tap closed already when we already make our half-way journey to Penang. Maybe it is not stressful to her, but it is stressful for the people around you, which you do not realize. When we feel annoy and ask her not to worry in a louder voice, she will feel that we are not respectful to her (although what we are mad over is the “tap is not closed” issue), start crying, thus making us even more stressful. I know it is a habit for her, but people will also have their limit of impatient, and indeed I also know that we cannot choose our parents too. Well, anything occurs, I will be blamed, and I am wrong again, not even once I am right.


I admit that I like travelling to KL to find my friends. With them, I feel relax and not stressful. However, still home is the best. At home, if I wish there is silence without those irrelevant issues, I will feel relax and enjoyable too. It is just a small request. After finishing cancer treatment, It is impossible for the patient not think, will the thing come back? So do I. I am having a mild voice change, and I am worry too, thinking that will it be throat cancer? Nevertheless, I do calm down myself by saying that, no sore throat, no neck lump, no bleeding and no difficult of swallowing, do not think too much. If I tell my mum about it, sure she will call here and there, making thing worsen and everyone is worrying me, stressful. Just like last time when there was a silly aunty that talked nonsense to me, I told her not to tell big sis, and no point of making it as big issue, yet she did all of them. At the end, what did she get? At the end, I feel even angrier (I am already calmed down at first).


I know for what happened just now, I still the one seek as the one who did wrongly. Well, I already use to be the black-sheep, like my 2nd sis says, “Ada Aku Kisah?”