Enough!

Well, I am agree with many people saying that by writing blog, we can express our bad mood in a better way rather than expressing it to the people around you, which will end up in a fight. It has been 2 months (If I am not mistaken) since I write my blog. Purposely, I write it in English. I do not mean to fight back, but just to express my own opinions.


Sometimes, it is easy for a person to say than to act. Yes, it is easy, say by mouth only. Yes, it is hard, act needs courage.


I still remember the three previous posts that i wrote 2 months ago. Ya, all about my feelings, writing together with my falling tears, without anyone knows.




I also remember the seventh time of radiotherapy, when I vomited during halfway of the process and it was so embarrassed. I knew that those RT in-charged did not blame me, but I knew it was my fault for forcing myself to eat too much that morning. I swore not to vomit again in RT room, and I made it.


It is the second week now after the end of my treatment. Last Wednesday, I managed to eat rice. Not because I listened to my family's advice, but I force myself, together with my painful mouth. So, you could imagine how is it.


7 days after the first follow-up. My weight is increasing 500g. Well, can I consider a good start? No, I am not satisfied. I would want to gain until 54kg but I think I would only make it after I back for second semester. The 54kg-weight was recorded during my first semester in UKM (Perhaps Malay curry rice has a lot of fats huh?)


45.5kg until now, well, it is faster for body weight to decrease while it is hard for body weight to increase. Just like the process you quit smoking. As Chinese people said, it takes 3 days to start smoking but it takes 3 years to quit smoking. Even though body machinery is special, but it also requires time to gain weight. i look up many websites, most of the patients lose greater weight (-35 pounds) than me (-11 pounds). They take few months to gain their weight. So, how do you ask me to gain weight if the body does not? I want to gain more than you want but there is no point of rushing it. It takes time.


Well, I do try to eat as many things as I could. People who do not see it,please do not blame me by stating that i do not eat anything. I know, when I am off to a trip, I need to eat other things, that's why, I try my best. Please bear in mind that, it is no rushing. Forceful leads to failure.


That's all I would like to express. Let me alone. I would like to calm down.


Well, I miss my Nibong Tebal's home. It is absolutely peaceful there.